Thursday, January 20, 2011


"I have to talk myself into doing the right things." This seriously came out of my ex-husband's mouth today. This week has been full of winning one-liners but this takes the cake.

On Tuesday, it was "I can't see Joey because I have to take care of Natalie." Last week, "I can only see Joey until 6; I have to watch Natalie." Yesterday, "she's not my fucking kid; I don't know why I have to watch her." (Wouldn't his girlfriend love to hear that one??)

My ex is having trouble playing family man with his loser girlfriend. Yes, I can call her a loser because she is a typical Arizonian....uneducated and doesn't want much out of life. She refuses to try to understand Joey and wants nothing to do with learning about his Autism and what she can do to maintain consistency between households. Heck, she refuses to let Ben take Joey's stuff out of storage so that Ben can attempt to make Joey feel more at home. I don't think it's fair to intrude on Natalie's space but they can accommodate my son by putting his favorite sheets on the air mattress he is forced to sleep on or bring out his Cars table and chairs....something to make him feel like he belongs there.

I can't blame Ben. He needs to appease her because she lets him live there rent free and she provides a warm place to stick it every once in a while. I've been good about letting things roll off the fact that Ben hasn't seen Joey for more than 4 hours since he's been home from Venezuela. I just don't get it.

And my emotions come out when I'm exhausted. And I am fucking exhausted. Oh...curse words come out when I'm exhausted too.

Yesterday, Ben verified with me the dates to take Joey on his annual OR trip...or should I say "the trip where Ben pretends to be a family man/Daddy and parade his son around for his family to see." I like that Joey goes and want Joey to have great memories with his Dad. It was even my idea to go that time. Well, I knew Ben went and bought the tickets last night and then lied to me when I asked if he had checked flights and bought them. He said "I was looking at the 17th through the 21st." So I was a dick and said "I said the 20th." He panicked. I told him I was kidding and to stop lying to me and thinking that I am the big bad wolf already. This game is so old. He lies so much that he can't stop.

He admitted that he lied and apologized. Wow...that's a first!

Today, he texted me to find out what were Joey's afternoon plans. I called him to tell him that Joey had speech but that I was more than willing to rearrange Joey's plans if he wanted to spend time with his son. Ben only wanted to see Joey for an hour because he had dinner plans with Natalie, Shannon, and Shannon's dad, who "I won't see for another year." And this is important to Ben...why? I told him he could take Joey and he said "he won't like it; we're going for Chinese food." I told him that was Joey's favorite. He then told me he didn't want to ruin my plans. After more texting and another phone call, he agreed to take Joey to the restaurant. I asked him if he was worried it would ruin his good time or just trying to appease others and that is when he said "I want to take him; I just have to talk myself into doing the right things." I know he means convincing himself to do what feels right but it just came out so wrong.

I am so tired tonight. I wish I had my husband here. I wish I had a co-parent in my ex-husband. I wish I had parents who would come here and watch Joey so I could work on the weekends and not have to drag Joey out of the house at 7:30am on his days off. Having someone in the house sure would come in handy. I really hate everyone sometimes...and I hate the situation. Sad thing is...if my ex-in-laws were here, they would come over and watch Joey without hesitation.

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