Monday, July 23, 2012

Being different

Some days remind you that your kid really is different. And it hurts.

That was my Twitter status on Saturday.

And as much as my friends tried to tell me that "being different" is ok, and in some ways, really good, they don't understand. They don't get it. We Autism parents just want our kids to be the same, we want them to fit in. We think that every bad thing they do is also great because it means they are imitating their peers.

Am I weird for wanting my kid to hang out with kids and go through peer situations because they are good learning experiences.

I had a rough day with my son Saturday. He wasn't following directions to get ready. We were late for tutoring at the library and were running in. He couldn't keep up and I was angry. This brought stares from the snooty Jr. librarian.  Then, watching Joey in the play area and seeing other moms stare as he ignored their children. Then, later, finding out that his "best friend" left him off the list for a super cool sleep over.

I cried so much that day. Partly, because I feel I failed as a Mom by not giving him a sibling. Not giving him a permanent playmate.

As 2nd grade approaches and I wonder what it will bring, I am so nervous as everything seems to get harder. Homework. Social situations. Reading. Life.

Once this exam is over, I really need to find something to help me feel better. To help me get through. Because I think I'm starting to lose it.

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