Wednesday, October 14, 2009

To the outside world

Sometimes I wonder what it looks like to the outside world. Joey's Autism. Does it look like a typical child, throwing a fit, when in reality he's upset because a routine has been broken? Does he look like a sweet angel to the people who love him when he's having a good day, when they don't know the blood, sweat and tears that went into making sure his day went as planned so he would "behave appropriately" for the event or occasion?

I struggle sometimes with Joey's Autism. Some days are easier than others. Some days, I feel all alone...with my guilt, my sorrow, my feelings of loss. No one understands what it's like to have a child with Autism unless you have one yourself or care for and love a special child. The most sympathy and support I get are from people who understand. They either have worked with autistic kids or they know one. It's the Moms that I used to dance with 20 years ago, that I've reconnected with on Facebook, that help me out. It's my friend Jessica, who's son has Asperger's, who reminds me that I'm doing the best job I can. Occasionally, it's my family, who, as time goes by, are understanding more about Joey's Autism and what it takes to raise him and give him the best life possible.

This journey is tough and not for the weak. Although, I wouldn't change it for the world, I do wake up everyday wondering if I am doing the best job possible and wondering what his life will be like in the future. Only time will tell but I know that with each passing day, his life and the way he navigates it are getting better. Maybe I am doing an ok job after all.

No comments: