Saturday, August 11, 2012

The great baby debate

I love when people tell me or Bryan we should adopt, when we weren't even talking about children. It's like, "How are you? Have you thought of adopting?" Ummm...thanks for the advice...sorry we don't meet society's "kid quota" of 2+ children but we're good. Plus, it's not like you can decide 1 day to go pick out a child. Adoption, like IVF, takes a lot of money. Should I sacrifice my son's well being, his services, and his future college education all because I have to meet that quota? People are nuts.
Due to my recent medical issues, the question of "Will there be a Baby Hogan?" has come up again. And the few people that we have chosen to share that news with have decided to add their 2 cents. 
Yes, I wanted to have 2 kids...when I was younger. And getting remarried brought up the possibility of me getting pregnant again. But when nothing happened for years, we both quietly gave up. 
We never announced we were trying. No one knew. It was painful enough just between us. 
Now that I'm 38, the reality is it won't happen without medical intervention. Can I handle that, plus the invasive-ness of it all?
What people don't get is that I wanted to have a baby with Bryan. To me, that is the only reason to have a baby. We are already raising a child together. I don't "need" to raise another one with him. But I did want to give him one of his own - that is the ultimate gift. To me, there is no need to raise someone else's kid, just so we can say we had one together. It doesn't belong to either of us. I would only sacrifice my body, my health, my career, and the chance of having a child with special needs (due to my "advanced maternal age" and genetic link to Autism) if I were giving Bryan a child that was half me and half him.
And that is just my 2 cents!


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