Tuesday, February 22, 2011

A month full of emotions

It's been a tough month, full of emotions and interspersed with some great moments. I have been analyzing my feelings and thoughts...probably too much. Questioning where I go from here as a Mom, wife, therapist.

I'm happy to say that Joey is on the right track and they are not talking about leaving him back as of right now. It's as if a switch went off that said he needed to work harder. Anyone who is a parent of a child on the Spectrum probably feels the same way I do - some days, it's as if your child is lost in a fog, while other days, it's as if they are so present, you wonder where the Autism went.

I'll rate the events with a + or -. Over the last month, Joey stood up to his "best friend" at school with a sassy remark (+); got into a scuffle with his friend Ernesto (+ and -; glad he stuck up for himself but don't want him to become too aggressive); the whole repeating Kindergarten debacle (-); making great strides in 10 day's time (+++); fighting with his Dad to let Joey come home (-; I felt like Ben was holding Joey hostage after Joey said he wanted to go to the "heavy house"); having a great weekend away with just my husband (+ and -; it makes me want to move); and Joey being away at his Dad's house (+ and -; it's always nice to have a break but I feel like I didn't miss him as much as I "should").

I think I can blame a lot of my emotional state on my job. The center is stressing me out to the point of my IBS rearing its ugly head again. I love what I do, although I'm not sure I want to work in a clinic setting forever. I'm torn because I need my 1500 hours to sit for the BCBA exam but I keep feeling as if I should be applying to schools as a Behavior Interventionist and not focus on the board certification for now.

I'm feeling a shift in my relationship with Joey. Is it all in my head? Or is it growing pains? He may becoming more independent at a time where I feel I have less and less quality time with him because of my schedule.

On a positive note, I have 17 days left of school and then am taking a week off to vege out. I need it for my sanity (event though I am already feeling guilty about it)!

Hopefully, February will end on a high note. It's bizarre that every February and May end up to be challenging months for me, even when I try to tell myself they will be great months. My life is cyclical, even on a yearly basis, I guess.

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