Monday, February 16, 2009

Daddy's Leaving

My ex-husband, who left before Joey's 2nd birthday, called me on a Friday afternoon 2 weeks ago to tell me that he's leaving for 5 months. No, he's not serving in Iraq. He's following his baseball dream...again.

Ben was in baseball when I met him and he travelled for one season while we were married. He got screwed in his contract and left baseball but tells everyone, including himself, that he left it for his family.

The day he told me he didn't want to be a father or husband anymore was the same day the Mariners called him for a job in Wisconsin. He never took that job and I have a feeling it was because his parents told him he may lose all rights to his son.

Now the Mariners have come knocking again and he can't get packing fast enough. He wanted me to help him make the decision. Basically, he just wanted my approval. I knew he was going anyway so I just told him to "do what you want."

He made his decision the next day and is leaving after Spring Training at the beginning of April. I sometimes think that he is leaving because of Joey's diagnosis; because it's too hard to deal with, but then I remember that he said "what's it called again? PFD-SOS? He just has a hard time with transitions." Yes that's true that he does but that's not the only thing.

Ben has always been distant when it comes to caring for Joey. He doesn't take him for his well check appointments, teeth cleanings or even a haircut! He has not been involved for 1 minute for any of the appointments at the Melmed Center for his diagnosis, the meetings and trainings that I go to and Joey's behavioral therapy. He does, however, show up at Joey's annual IEP meeting, which I believe is only because he feels obligated because we use his address so Joey can be in that district which is closer to both our jobs.

One of Joey's therapists at SARRC recommended that I make a book about Daddy leaving because kids like him learn to anticipate events better with social stories and calendars. I told Ben about it and he doesn't seem to care so the burden will fall on me, which is ok, because the burden to heal Joey while his father is gone will fall on me as well.

Ben gives some Dads a bad name.

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